Letter sent home- written August 14,2024
Lover Girl,
I am so excited to see you and the boys in September. It’s going to be so great to hug you, kiss you, and hold your hand. I can’t wait to hug the boys, too. I really believe it will be good for all of us—it will be good for the boys to see me and remember that they still have a dad. I know we’ve talked about this before, but sometimes I can’t believe I’m here. Today, I was walking down the hall and thought it was so weird that I haven’t driven a car in almost 9 or 10 months, or however long it’s been. I feel like we’re handling this craziness really well. There’s that old saying: You never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only choice you have.
I’m going to check my emails and read myself to sleep. I love you. XOXO.
August 15, 2024.
I’m sitting in my Start Now class. Some good news: my roommate, who’s into all kinds of nonsense, is moving out! He was asked to pack up, and he doesn’t know where he’s going, but the great news is I get his bottom bunk, which is going to be awesome.
This morning, I got up and watched the news again. Nothing great to report, but gold is up to $2,500+. When I left home, it was under $2,000. Wow! I think gold is the investment to have!
Right now in class, we’re watching a Marx Brothers film and counting the number of jokes. It’s pretty good for a 90-year-old black-and-white movie—packed full of jokes, LOL. Today is chicken-on-the-bone day, generally the best meal of the week. I eat at 10:00 a.m., but then we’re stuck in the chow hall for the whole hour. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
We’re now watching a documentary called Happy. I really like this instructor—he’s super sincere. The documentary goes all over the world to see how people in different cultures find happiness. I have a feeling it will show that happiness is a choice and has very little to do with circumstances, but everything to do with mindset. Aerobic activity helps keep dopamine receptors going, and they say getting into a state of flow helps a lot, too. Another interesting point is that when really bad things happen, people who go through it sometimes become the happiest. I know why—that’s because when bad things happen, you’re forced to choose. Once you learn to make those choices, you can affirmatively repeat them over and over. It’s a really good documentary. I highly recommend it. There was a part with a guy in Brazil that I really enjoyed—it hit home for me.
They also discussed the “hedonic treadmill,” which is the idea that the more you get, the more you want. It’s an enemy to happiness because it puts you in a constant state of wanting more. Watching this, I realize we have cultivated all the ingredients for true happiness. It’s fun seeing our life choices validated. Let’s always choose happiness.
The video makes me realize all the things I’m missing out on out there. It’s weird because while I can’t go out there, they can’t come in here. What I see as an inmate is like a ticket purchased at a high price. This system works very hard to make this a very exclusive place. I need to always remember that this experience, not unlike my mission, will inform much of the rest of my life. It’s a blessing, not a curse.
Apparently, acts of kindness and service have the biggest impact on happiness. This is no secret to us—we’ve been taught our whole lives that when you feel down, serving others lifts you up. It’s very cool that in this challenge, we’ve been blessed with the opportunity to help others. You are very special, babe. I’m so proud of you, and I know your nonprofit will produce immense amounts of happiness and give meaning and purpose to this experience.
I love you, and I’m so happy to be your husband. I’m so happy you are my wife.
… I’m writing in the chow hall right now. Normally, I wouldn’t be able to write here, but I took this paper to class and went straight to chow after. I heard that my friends had their stuff raided today. It could be random, but one guy believes it’s because they’re trying to get something on someone to justify taking his good time. Hopefully, that’s not the case.
I probably have another 15–20 minutes here… I’m pretty excited about getting a lower bunk. My hip hurts sometimes, and getting up and down from the top bunk can be a pain. At noon, I’m going to a finance class offered by a guy I like. He has an Amnesty International tattoo, so he’s clearly on the liberal side of things, but I’m really drawn to guys like that. They’re fun to talk to, and in my younger years, I shared a lot of the same views.
I’m someone who doesn’t need to compromise my opinions based on political “team play.” I do differ from the more conservative faction of the Republican party on regressive views about homosexuality, though. I don’t support childhood transition, but I don’t care how adults express themselves.
I’m back in class now, taking this one-hour session on finance and avoiding scams. It checks off my finance requirements (which I don’t really need) but counts toward the three classes I’m supposed to take. My friend had to meet with prison investigators. They listened to his situation and told him to talk to a regional liaison. I hope he gets this remedied. When they raided his locker, all they took were his timeline notes of what happened and who he talked to. It’s wild. It would be easier for them to fix the simple mistake than to get stuck in the mud and cause potential litigation, which would be a huge waste of money and resources.
In this class, we almost always start with NPR music sessions featuring different bands. Right now, it’s two girls playing guitars and singing. It’s the kind of light rock music Elise plays. I love it—it reminds me of her.
Class is starting. I love you. XOXO.
…I’m back in the housing unit. I just got out of the shower after walking six miles and getting a little sweaty. I got an email from Gretchen. It was good to hear from her. It’s interesting who writes and who doesn’t. I added most of your family to the system, but I assume it’s too clunky for them to check. There are a lot of people I’ve added who never wrote back, not even once.
I’m getting sick of watching the nonsense in the news, especially the coverage of Harris and the entire Democratic campaign. It’s like they’re just shoving a candidate down one party’s throat without any input from the people. I’m disappointed that so many low-information voters don’t know the truth about Harris and Biden. The media paints her as tough on the border and tough on crime, and they call her an economic savant, but when it suits her, she takes credit, and when it doesn’t, she denies involvement. People need the truth to judge for themselves, but the mainstream media really is the enemy of the people.
Tonight’s dinner is potato soup, which should be pretty good. Tomorrow, I go back to the woodshop. It stinks that it’s only one day. The last two days off have kind of sucked. I prefer working over navigating the rec areas and the housing unit. If I could sleep on demand like my roommates, I would, but my soul won’t let me—I need to be up and productive.
If I could redesign the system, I’d make communication with families much more accessible. I’d improve the TV setup, and we’d have tablets more like cell phones for data and calls. People would pay a subscription fee for usage instead of paying by the minute. I’m extremely uncomfortable with the concept of prisons and jails profiting so much off transaction fees. It’s not right. Why do emails cost five cents a minute? Some days, I spend $5 just on email, and I hate it, but it’s the fastest way to communicate. Phone calls are nice, but we don’t get enough of them. XOXO.
…
I just got back from rec. They closed the outside area for who knows what reason. I heard it was too hot, but knowing who closed it, I think he just didn’t want to open it. My friend is still getting the runaround on his good time. I really hope it works out for him. It would be so easy to fix, and I don’t know why they can’t just go into the computer and correct it.
I told my friend the good news about the grant you got approved. I’m so proud of you! By the way, did I mention I’m getting a bottom bunk? I’m a little excited about that.
A guy who befriended me two months ago was in the hole for using drugs. He was only in the unit for a week or two before they took him out again on suspicion of drug use. He spent 65 days in the shu while they investigated but beat the “shot” (which is a disciplinary report). Apparently, they couldn’t prove he was on drugs. I don’t know if he was or wasn’t, but they can’t test for certain substances in the prison.
There’s a severe storm warning on the radio. Looking outside, I can see heavy, dark clouds and flashes of lightning. I wonder if it will storm hard. It’s crazy how fast time is going—today is 82 days until the election. Mentally, I’m prepared for any outcome, and I hope you are, too. No matter what, this will end.
I really think getting a bottom bunk will improve my experience here, and that should happen within a week.
I’m excited to go back to the woodshop tomorrow, even if it’s just for the day. Hopefully, I can finish the wood wash on my cubby cabinet, then sand it down to stain it more uniformly. I’m using Dutch natural oil on cherry wood, while the original was in oak color. I hope it all blends together.
I love you so much. I can’t wait to hug you and kiss you. I really can’t wait!
I love you, Taylor.