Letters and Essays

Life 7/19-7/20/2024

7/19/2024

Taylor,

Hey honey-the RNC was a great convention this year. So much good, positive energy- it was beautiful to watch… what I did watch. 

The boys and I are walking to the library right now. It’s a beautiful day- Joe has his skateboard and Caleb and I are waking. Love you. Hope the wood shop is great!

Taylor,

I loved talking to you tonight. I just need to hear you all the time. Things don’t seem quite as bad when I can connect with you. The kids set up beds in the family room and are watching Woody the Woodpecker. Super cute. Fisher and I are going to play a card game tonight and I’m hoping for a good night’s rest. Love you. 

Marie,

I sure miss you too.  More than you can think.  The hurt is deep, and constant.  I choose to have hope, that someday we will look at this time as a blessing that made us stronger.  True gold is not afraid of the refiner’s fire.  We just need to remember who we are.  

Joe is such an adventurer, as Heidi says “he was born competent”.  I love that, I love that he is brave enough to look at any challenge and does the mental work to work it out, and has courage to do it.  That’s great that Fisher did some weeding, which neighbor was it? I can’t wait to have talks with Fisher, unlike Ben, he is a chatter and has some fun interests.  It is really crazy that Elise won’t be coming home, I have a hard time wrapping my head around her moving out and going ALL THE WAY ACROSS COUNTRY.  It’s just such an adventure; young love makes you do some pretty incredible things…

 I love you,

Taylor

The woodshop was great today, I finished all the routing on the circle frames but one today (Jon wanted to do the routing on one of them, and he was busy painting).  I got done an hour early and made a few little rings with the extra time…

Taylor

7/20/2024

I don’t get to walk nearly as much as I did my first 6 months…Now that I am in the woodshop I am lucky if I get an hour after work and just a few miles in. Most days I go straight back to the housing unit. Weekends I get a lot more walking in, this afternoon I got 8 miles in. I feel like I can totally tackle the 5 to 10 mile hikes, like it would be nothing now. I look forward to being able to hike a hill again rather than a flat track or a hallway…

I think our boys are totally old enough to go with us on 5 mile hikes overnight too. I can imagine getting to a campsite and them exploring around while we set up camp. Except Joe, who will probably want to learn all about how to set up a shelter or set a hammock for himself, cause he was born competent and only needs to see it done once, lol.

I wrote Caleb a letter today about catching my first fish, and am about to write Joe about the first deer I shot…(and only)…I figure you will read it aloud to both of them.

I love you babe,
Taylor

Hope 7/13/2024

Taylor had sent me this letter in response to some fears I was having. I really appreciated his thoughts. I’m posting in hopes that it might be helpful to some of you- Marie

Love,
I wrote this in a letter to you this morning, I felt like you might want it today.

I got your message this morning about the ups and downs you feel. How some moments you are filled with hope and feel encouraged, and the next moment you are overwhelmed with doubt. These are totally natural ups and downs, totally natural opposing forces, forces we must reconcile, this is the platter from man’s greatest gift is suddenly in our hands. “The last of all great freedoms is man’s freedom to choose his response to any give stimulus and situations” -Victor Frankl

“Doubt isn’t’ the opposite of faith it is an element of faith…Sometimes I think it is my mission to bring faith to the faithless, and doubt to the faithful” -Paul Tillich

The origin of the word DOUBT helps name the pain you are feeling. DOUBT derives from the same roots as duo and double, suggesting that to doubt is to be in two minds, one that believes and one that doesn’t. The two minds wrestle and writhe in tension, pulling you in two directions, leaving us in di-stress. You can see with the eyes of Faith AND you can see with the eyes of skepticism, leaving us with double vision or internal di-vision.

What makes any skeptic or critic so frustrating is they are not wrong…Their analysis or criticism is every bit as valid as the pathway of faith we choose to walk. Before the criticism, or well meaning advice painting out ‘another possibility’, often one we don’t desire, we simply believed. We were in one innocent and undivided mind, seeing with one vision. Feeling a comfortable confidence rather than distress. We walked, as it were, the woods of Hope, rather than the forest of Tarwater, without perceiving we were in fact walking the same trail. But that innocence of being in Hope, that simplicity, that peaceful unity of mind and clarity of vision now slip away, as the first casualties of doubt.

I like these lyrics that describe where we have arrived.

All my road is before me, but
All familiar paths lie far behind me.
My map’s here in my hand,but
I have ventured past its tattered edges.

Faith is our map of reality, when life was familiar it was easy to call our path Hope. We knew where we were, where we’ve been and where we were going. But that map, the normal and expected, was disturbed. We saw a vision of Tarwater. This is distressing. It’s in the “Di”, “Duo”, “Double” and “Doubtful” moments we make our CHOICE. We prove what we do with the Gift, the Present, the Pre-Sent moment. It’s not that we are not always both in the woods and forest of Hope and Tarwater…it’s that we get to choose our next step. Is failure always an option? …Sure…that is always possible, but it’s also possible if you keep trucking you’ll find the meadow, (like in the parable) that all those ‘curses’ of Tarwater are actually the ‘blessings’ of Hope.

It always has, and always will come down to what we choose. If you stay the path of your choice, happiness; then everything will be viewed with that lens. We should revel and rejoice that it is our CHOICE that we get to interpret every rock, branch or hill we find along the path. Every challenge makes us stronger, every setback more resolute and capable to endure.

“Life is the destiny you are bound to refuse until you have consented to die” – W.H. Auden

The French poet-philosopher Guillaune Apollinair wrote:

“Come to the edge.”
“We can’t. We are afraid.”
“Come to the edge.”
“We can’t. We will Fall.”

“Come to the Edge.”

And they came.
And he pushed them.

And they Flew.

Let’s choose to fly, knowing full well we might fall. Let us consent to DIE that we may truly LIVE.

I love you,
Taylor

4th of July from Prison 7/4/2024

4th of July from Home

 All,

I hope this 4th of July finds you all well.  It’s been an interesting experience today, inside prison walls, experiencing a holiday which celebrates the birth of our nation and the shared Freedoms, Rights and Privileges that this nation was created to represent and protect for her people.  

My experience that has led me into these walls has been interesting to say the least. Most of all, what has been interesting was to see my assumptions about what our nation is and does, be challenged and in many ways disproven.  You know what they say when you “Assume”, you make and “Ass” out of “U” and “ME!

When I studied Political Science, I grew a great appreciation for the principles that lead to the founding of our nation.  In many ways, the revolution to free the 13 colonies from England, was not so much about what we wanted to become, as much as it was about what WE, ‘the People’, did not want to BE.  We did not want to be a society of people who had limited freedoms, we did not want to be dictated to about rules of commerce beyond the reasonable, we did not want to have our private lives invaded by government speculation. We wanted to be free of false imprisonment, bills of attainder and many more invasions the British monarch imposed upon the colonists.  The Americas were populated with people who came through ventures such as Jamestown, seeking economic opportunity in the New World. It was founded by people who were brought by providence to places like Plymouth Rock, seeking freedom from religious persecutions, to be able to determine, as they saw fit, what was morally right or wrong based on the dictates of their conscious.  Some combination of those two things, for hundreds of years now, have caused people to abandon the land of their nativity and join the Union of States, which represents liberation from what we don’t want to be, and an opportunity to chart our own course.  

I myself have ancestry that immigrated to the Americas through BOTH Jamestown in its first decade and also landed with the Pilgrims on Plymouth rock itself.  I have an ancestor who at the age of 43, left his farm and family to join the North Carolina Cavalry Militia to fight in the Revolutionary war itself.  The cause of America runs deep within my veins.  

From this prison, I reflect upon that which Americans assume.  We assume our rights are unalienable. But, when we encounter the criminal justice system, as it is currently constituted, we often find that our assumptions do indeed make an ASS out of U and ME…Many a soldier has signed up for military or other’s for public service, under the premise that they were protecting our sacred rights. However, the place where protection is needed most, inside a courtroom, those rights, secured by blood of patriots, are often surrendered and waived as if they had no importance at all.  Rights enumerated and secured by the people, as a bargain to the passing of the Constitution, called the Bill of Rights,  include things like the right to freedom of speech, assembly, and press.  The right to self defense, the right to due process, privacy and to be secure in their person, papers, homes and things. A right to counsel, to confront your accuser, to settle claims made against you, and the right to a speedy trial, to name a few.  

These rights, in many ways, are those rights that people need inside a courtroom, more than any other place! Yet in our current justice system, the moment a criminal defendant is charged he, 1) waives his right to confront his accuser, 2) is told not to speak publicly and freely, 3) given limits of association and advised not to talk to the press, 4) his right to self defense is stripped, 5) his right to privacy is curtailed by pre-trial conditions often including home visits, and other invasive medical interventions, 6) the right to a speedy trial is almost always immediately waved, 7) a right to a trial by jury is waived because the ‘trial tax’ plea deals are sought to make the pain go away.These are just a few of the rights that are almost immediately surrendered or waived because the mechanisms of the system demands it.  For those who are brave enough to ‘stand on their rights’ the consequences can be severe…

The minority communities in this country have some very low sentiments when it comes to patriotic fervor. They have complained for decades about the unjust system. Having gone through this myself, I can say their complaints are not unjustified.  Until this touches you, it’s hard to comprehend how you feel when your rights evaporate before your eyes.  ONLY someone who benefits from this system in some way, or contributes to its continuation would make arguments to the contrary.  As my defense attorney said at one point, when I pointed out how ‘my rights’ seemed non-existent, “I won’t defend the system”.  

Enjoy the freedom you do have, we still are a free country. I do believe with all my heart that liberty trumps all, and over time it’s cause will prevail.  There is a lot to work on to live up to the blood spilt and sacrifices that were made to set up the principles we must strive to live up to.  I make no excuses for the prisoner, myself included, but I do think about how our system of justice can be improved, to live up to the ethos and principles our nation assumes to have. 

“He who stands on his rights, injures no one” 

Happy 4th of July.  

Taylor

4th of July from Home

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Rules 7/3/2024

Marie,

Sometimes when I just sit back and consider everything that is happening all around me all the time, my heart just hurts.  There are no easy solutions to all the problems I see all around me.  The heart of man has to WANT to do good.  To follow rules for the sake of following the rule.  There has to be intent to do good.  I find so many people just don’t see cause and effect very well.  It is hard to be around people who just try to skirt the rules…Sometimes the rules are dumb admittedly, but the truth is, some of the dumb rules only exist, because people can’t keep the big rules.  Makes it frustrating for both the person the rules are enforced on, and the ones following them.  Good rules and good boundaries usually make life easier, and in this facility, life is pretty easy.  

My heart just hurts thinking about everything sometimes.  I miss you and the kids. I am ready, too ready for this to be done…Sooner rather than later for sure.  

Love,

Taylor

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Assuming you Saw the Debate 6/28/2024

All,
I assume you watched tonight’s debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump…All I have to say is wow… Watching something like that in a Prison is a very interesting experience…Prison is the very definition of a low information voter (except nobody can vote). We have very limited media access and are mostly relegated to mainstream mass media news sources. CNN is a staple on the TV rotation in the TV room.

Tonight was a revelation for about 80% of the prison population. There were moments were prisoners were laughing at some of Joe’s early gaughs, there were moments where they looked shocked at Joe’s demeaner. Prison is a pitiless place, so no one felt like you should get to that level if you are not up for the job. One inmate (who knows a little something about drugs) noted how Joes pupils were a lot smaller then Donald’s…other’s confirmed. “If Joe is hopped up like he looks, how is he when he isn’t on juice” was said. In the end there was nothing that I heard from a single inmate that was approving of Joe. These inmates DO NOT know the issues inside and out. They do not know the hoaxes, charlletsville, the ‘losers’ hoax, nothing…They still were not impressed. They know the price of coffee in prison went from $2.50 a bag 4 years ago, to $6.80 today. They know the commissary limit used to take two laundry bags to a haul, now it fits in 1 bag no problem. They know the pinch their families feel on their budgets too. They were not impressed by Joe’s promises or platitudes.

When it came to Trump, they just saw a coherent, cognizant man who was very confident in himself. They noted when he didn’t answer questions, but unlike Joe he didn’t “look like he has one foot on the grave, and another on a banana peel”. “Trump is strong, Biden is shot”. Universally here white inmates think the border is a problem…why, because 50% of this prison is full of re-entry Hispanics who crossed the boarder illegally one too many times. There are trafficker’s, human smugglers and South of the boarder gang members here en masse. You won’t convince a convict in this prison (that isn’t a illegal to begin with) that the southern boarder isn’t a problem. Trump was strong there, Biden was weak.

Over all, the debate was very entertaining. Afterwards, the commentary on the news that was left on was DEVASTATING for the Biden camp. Even Van Jones essentially said this was all over…There was maybe one lone voice saying his performance was hampered by a cold…beyond that, they openly talked about replacing Biden with a different candidate…Can you imagine?

I have said before Prison is a microcosm of society, that being true it looks like the next 18 weeks are going to be really interesting…

Taylor

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“Did you hear on the radio…” 6/27/2024

Love,
a Hispanic guy walked in my room and was like “did you hear the radio?”
I was like, “what on the radio?”
He said, “Trump, I heard him on the radio, he said day one he is going to pardon you”.
I said, “really?”
He said, “yeah”

Then we talked about other things “he” said. I didn’t hear the interview, I was listening to a different station. I have heard him say it, but when he says that, it’s interesting how it gives a lot of hope to a lot of inmates. They all know this is a travesty of justice, and they also know we know what is happening to so many of them is also a travesty. They feel like we will have a voice, that we will help fix some of the worst parts of the system. I think that is true. A lot of these guys have hope in us, they are rooting for us. It’s a good thing Mr. T is so good at the game. I am listening to the radio now and some funny nighttime pundits are laughing at how all the news is if Mr. B is even going to be the candidate, how most pundits think the one party is angling to replace him, and how he has been totally MIA for 6 days ‘practicing’, but yet Mr. T was just convicted of 34 felonies and he has gone UP in the polling. They are laughing their butts off, how everything backfires…It’s really hilarious. I know as a news junkie sometimes I see things different than the general populace, but it will be so interesting to see this all unfold. I just wish it wasn’t so personal…

I love you babe, I heard from Bensen, he said he got on the waterfront, I think that is great. He needs to be on the water, keep his swimming skills sharp.

I love you, I think you are cute…208 days

Love,
Taylor

Contraband 6/25/2024

Apparently because ‘contraband’ has been found in public areas and no one specific took the hit, we three seperate housing units (all but the gate pass people in ‘prefered housing’) are all on commissary restriction of $25 dollars for a few weeks.

That totally sucks. I was under the impression group punishment wasn’t allowed in the US, like at all, ever. That Due process was an unalienable right. Apparently, we are all taking collective licks for allowing contraband in public spaces…Funny thing is, they don’t tell us what the contraband was, or where it was found, so I can’t help it from being a repeated occurance over and over again…But likely, from what people say, this cycle will repeat itself a few times.

It begs to question, was there even contraband that was found sufficient to put all of the ‘work cadre’ in three housing units on restriction? Was it found in my housing unit? What was the contraband? Why am I being punished? Because Commissary restriction IS punishment…How can I prevent this punishment if I don’t know what mistake I personally made? Honest question…AM I being punished BECAUSE I am housed with criminals?

They often say to us when a oral complaint is raised, “write your local congressmen”. Maybe this is one of those “Congress” issues.

Taylor

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Simple Things 6/22/2024 
Marie,
I am so glad you had a good day with your peeps there. It’s nice to hear your voice. Tonight when I got back from Rec I was just staring out my window for a good solid 20 minutes or so. There were about 6 squirrels and 7 little black birds with shinny blue necks and heads down in the grass below. They were eating little food items inmates have tossed out their windows into this little grass area between the double fences lined with Razor wire and the brick building. It was neat to see the squirrels chase each other around and compete for little pieces of bread or whatever they were stuffing in their faces. I kept thinking about Jesus observing these little creatures that just always have what they need, are we not greater then them?

Interesting thoughts. I love you,
Taylor

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Love,
It was fun to hear you tonight, you always sound so happy when you are with your sisters, I just love it. I love the spirit you have and how sincere you are about the people you love in life. I just love it.

Tomorrow I am going to watch The Chosen then in the afternoon I will walk a bunch, Should be good. Weekends are hard.

Love,
Taylor

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Chinese Inmate 6/21/2024

I meet an inmate who speaks almost no English, he is from China, some town a few hours from Beijing.. Here at this prison there are zero other prisoners who speak any dialect of Chinese, and there are also no translators. Frankly, we are not even sure why he is here. He was arrested in Guam which is why he is in the federal system. I reached out to my family, including my Brother and Sister-in-law (hello guys) who between them speak both Cantonese and Mandarin. I asked for a Bible and Dictionary in Mandarin. We had to do a little bit more digging to figure out if he read Simplified or Traditional characters.. I did my best, and based on the fact he was from the mainland, we went with Mandarin and Simplified Characters…turned out to be a good guess.

Well, The Bible and Dictionary arrived today…Tonight at Rec I presented them to him…HE WAS GLOWING! He was so excited, he opened them up and immediately confirmed he could read them. Also for the record…we have no idea if he is Christian, or frankly if he has ever even heard of Christianity…Think about it, he is from Mainland China, it’s probable he is not a Christian. While my friends and I were talking, he was sitting not far on the grass reading his new Bible…He looked so content. He mimed something about Fish (likely from the Genesis story) and said something that sounded like Jehovah, lol…Who knows?lol. Towards the end of rec, he looked up a phrase in the dictionary, walked over to us and said ‘Near each other’… His accent was so thick we couldn’t really understand, I asked for him to show me in the dictionary, he pointed to “Near each other’…He was pointing to all of us sitting on a picnic table and had looked up the word in Mandarin, and it translated to ‘Near each other’…He was so proud to be able to describe something as simple as the fact we were sitting ‘Near each other’…We helped him pronounce the words a little better so we could understand. He was so proud of himself, this is a grown man, at least as old as I am, and he was like a child, so excited.

I remember learning Portuguese, it can be so hard to not understand 90% of what you hear, and even more frustrating not to be able to form words and sentences to describe the world around you. But now, slowly, he can use that dictionary to literally find the words he needs. I imagine I will see him walking around with the dictionary using it to look of words on the signs around the prison (some critical), Menus, commissary, his paperwork, I imagine we just unlocked the world to him.

I want to thank Rob and Ching for making that happen, he was literally glowing, he was so grateful. I hope he really enjoys the bible, and hopefully it can change his life like it has billions of others. I will ask him if he was Christian, it hadn’t actually crossed my mind till tonight when I saw him looking at the bible with wonder and reading it from the beginning (Chinese read top to bottom, Right to Left). One of the guys at the picnic table thought it was weird he was starting from Revelation…Till I reminded him they read backward from us…duh, lol.

Thank you everybody, say a prayer for our friend Li.

Taylor

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Happy Birthday 6/20/2024

Fisher,

Happy Birthday, I can’t believe you are 12 years old! How cool is that! I remember being 12, It was a good time.  That’s when I got really into scouts, I lived in California when I turned 12 and I played a lot of street Hockey and Basketball.  How was Canada? How is your new jersey and shorts? Make sure mom takes a picture to send to me so I can see it.  

I love you so much, I can’t even tell you how much I miss you.  This will end and we will spend many birthday’s together.  I thought about you all day today and hoped you had a good time.  Again I love you.  Mom said you got my letter and she read it to you, I am glad, I just think the world of you.  

I love you so much,

Dad

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The Eleventh Hour 6/20/2024

Marie,

I saw this quote today and really liked it

“God is the hardest taskmaster I have known on this earth, and he tries you through and through.  And when you find that your faith is failing or your body is failing you, and you are sinking, he comes to your assistance somehow or other and proves to you that you must not lose your faith and that he is always at your beck and call, but on his terms, not on your terms.  So I have found.  I cannot really recall a single instance when, at the eleventh hour, he has forsaken me.” – Mahatma Gandhi

I just liked the way he ends it with how he always comes as the eleventh hour.  I really do feel like that is the M.O. when the right help comes.  Sometimes it’s after all we think we can do, then there is a moment of divine assistance.  I am so grateful that God has been there for us so many times, I am certain he will continue to be there for us.  I miss you so much. I can’t wait to see you again someday, hopefully sooner than later.  Today wasn’t all that exciting, I just walked and listened to the radio and of course talked to my friend that I told you about.  It was cute to hear Caleb’s voice tonight.  It is awesome how he remembers so much stuff, he told me on the email Heidi sent he had riden his dirt bike.  That is so much fun.  I am super happy Ivun offered to haul that stuff down to Logan, that is such a huge help for Elise…

I love you,

Taylor

SEEKERS 6/19/2024

A guy pulled up on me today on the track, someone I have known for a while, same guy I asked “Was it worth it?” about a time he had to go to the hole for non-sense. He came to me today because he attended a Odinism ceremony (Norse religion) and didn’t like it. He wanted some advice, said he was ‘searching for something’ and that he just wanted ‘truth’….all very familiar words. I was glad he came to talk to me, he literally chased me down and walked with me for almost 7 miles and we talked the whole time. Another truth seeker. I shared with him some pretty good stuff. We talked about Christianity it’s merits and it’s weaknesses. I made the case about setting aside the nonsense of it, and taking what is real and self evident in the theology of Christ. It was a really good conversation. I am going to have him read Conversations with God as soon as the other guy is done with it….Also, I got permission to have some prescription glasses mailed to me. Do you think you can have America’s Best order a duplicate of my clear frame, with red ear pieces transitions lenses? We can talk about it, but I will follow up. the ones I have were scratched, but I would really like a pair of those. If not, resend those and or my blue ones.

Thanks so much babe, I love you.

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The Celtics Won! 6/17/2024

Fisher,

Unbelievably you called it! The Celtics won! I can’t believe you called it before the playoffs even started! Wow, I know they were ranked number 1, but that doesn’t mean anything to much, lots of times teams not ranked 1 win, like all the time.  Wow, good job buddy!  

So who is your bet for next year? You think Celtics repeat? 

How do you like your new room? Can you believe you finally have your own room? That’s fun isn’t it? 

I am happy for you.  

Love you,

Dad

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Desk Drawers 6/17/2024

Hey honey, I’m packing up the rest of Elise’s room while she is in Florida. I found a letter she started for you in her desk drawer. I thought I would share. 

Dear Dad, 

I miss you everyday. You have sent me a few letters since November, and those have been precious to me. I miss your presence in my life. I constantly want your advice and enthusiasm for what I am doing, that you always have. You never missed a basketball game, dance recital, or music performance. This is so significant to me, and I believe really reflects your love for our family…

That’s what she had so far. So sweet. 

Love you, Marie

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Some things you have to see to believe 6/15/2024

All,
Tonight as I was headed to Rec at 6pm to meet with my usual friends, at the last second I grabbed my quad combination scriptures…I had absolutely no reason to bring them whatsoever…None, zilch, I even thought, “why haul the weight?”. I have read Joseph’s letter from Liberty jail (not far from here) to my friends, and I have given them a brief overview of Mormonism… Tonight was different. Someone joined us who is from Kansas, his dad is a preacher. When one friend saw the quad, he called it the Book of Mormon. The Kansas friend said something like ‘no way, I was going to loose respect for you if that is a Book of Mormon’. I was like, “no, it is”. Then I proceeded to show it to him. This lead to a really great discussion about the Book of Mormon, it’s role in American History, giving meaning to the culture war happening in the 1800’s between the ever expanding Christian Gentiles and the Native Americans, and how it gave a origin story for manifest destiny and westward expansion and a unity faith for all inhabitants of the continent. It was amazing. Then I talked and read passages from 2 Nephi, Ether 12, Mosiah, Alma and ultimately ending with me reading the promise of Moroni 10. It was actually very powerful. As you all know, I have an extremely non-orthodox view of Mormonism, but I have a firm faith in foundational Mormonism. I felt a strong spirit as I showed to the Kansas man, the Book of Mormon was nothing to fear. To the friend who is struggling with his faith in God through all this, there were messages by some of the greatest prophets in the Book of Mormon for him. I felt like the good old days in Brazil. I felt like God wanted these people to be exposed to the Book of Mormon. I explained to them, in my mind, the Book of Mormon stands on it’s own. Everyone here is familiar with the ‘Mormon temple in Independence’, the RLDS church’s upside down ice cream cone. So they all know about Mormonism through our RLDS cousins (Community of Christ now).

Needless to say, I had no idea this evening would go the way it would go when I grabbed the Quad for absolutely no reason. But, as I often do, I felt God talking through me tonight. I had a similar experience with one of the prison Chaplains this week as I made strong defense of Mormonism (again non-orthodox) to her.

If anyone wants to send a few give away copies of the Book of Mormon, they would be well received by a few prepared souls.
“Consequently, to save the prisoner, one must go in the prison” – Rob Smith… There have been a few moments on this journey where I have thought…”If I went through all of this, for this moment, it was worth it”. Knowing the power of a seed being planted, I thought that again tonight.

Love you all,
Taylor

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The Wood Shop 6/4/2024

All,

I took a 13th Amendment Job in the wood shop today to pass the time and learn some new skills.  Today I got to work with Drill Guns, a planer, a jointer, table saw, belt sand and circular sander…all in one day.  The wood shop makes American Flag plaques and challenge coin holders for retiring C.O.’s around the country.  They also fix cabinets, chairs, and pretty much anything else dealing with wood.  It’s nice because I am in the wood shop with 2 other Jaysixers, we are pretty busy working, but it was nice to be around those guys.  The C.O. over the wood shop is really cool and supportive.  I will be doing less walking now, today after Wood shop I only got about 5.4 miles in before count.  It’s starting to get warm and humid.  The weather here reminds me a lot of Brazil.  It is humid, when it rains, it rains really hard, and the rain isn’t really cold like it is in Seattle.  When storm systems roll in they usually only last 1/2 day or even faster.  I am accustomed to the Seattle area, when weather systems roll in there, they last for days coming of the Pacific ocean like they do.  When it rains, it often rains or drizzles for days.  I haven’t seen anything like that here.  

One of our Jaysixers went home this morning (or more accurately to a 1/2 way house).  He had a 2 year sentence, with first step and 2nd chance act he ended up dong I think 16 months.  (It would have been less but he was in the hole for 127 days and lost good time due to an email he sent that ruffled feathers).  I will miss him, he was a Lt. Colonel in the US Air Force and flew A-10 warthog planes on multiple deployments in Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia.  He was in active combat a lot and had great stories.  He also had a Political Science degree with a minor in International Studies and Military Science…the exact same degrees I have, even the minors.  He and I took very different paths…but ultimately ended up in the same place, lol.  I only knew him the short time I was here, but he looked out for me when I got here and helped soften the landing.  He was the first one here, and did the same for the others when they arrived.  It just goes to show the extremely diverse backgrounds of people involved in the jaysix incident.  There is a shared trauma bond, and we helped each other find purpose and meaning in all this.  

I sometimes am overwhelmed when I think about the duration of time I ‘might’ end up being here.  The gentlemen who left this morning filed an appeal and WON, his appeal is what reduced my guidelines from 109-135 down to 70-87 (of which I got 87 months).  His appeal is also applicable to my current sentence should we appeal.

Last night we asked him what he learned while he was here, anything good he took from his time.  He said he loves this country, and while there is a lot of hurt being prosecuted by your own country, he shared some intimate things that only someone going through this can truly understand and I can’t really share here…BUT, please be cognizant each one of you have a role to play…Your vote matters, your energy matters, there are undecided voters who we all know.  I know I probably preach to the choir a little here, but don’t underestimate your ability to make a difference.  My recommendation is to listen to the candidates themselves, and not what people say about them, encourage others to do the same.   

I love yawl,

Taylor

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6/3/2024 Prison Letters

6/3/2024 9:07:04 PM

I go meet with the carpenter people tomorrow! yay, although that will cut into the walking a lot, but that will be fine I think, It will keep me busy.  It was Larry’s last night with us tonight, it is definitely bitter sweet.  He was the first one here, 2nd to go. (one other was only here 6 months).  I grew to love him, he will be a brother forever.  

I’ll call you tonight 7:30-8:30 pm your time.  

Taylor

6/3/2024 6:21:48 PM wrote

Marie,

Today I only got to walk for an hour this morning and an hour this afternoon. This morning I had to go in early because they closed the field for Doggy play…Then this afternoon I walked in the rain for an hour then there was lighting and thunder that rolled in so they closed it.  I got commissary this morning, I only spent $60 which is pretty good.  Next week I’ll probably spend less.  I need to get a shirt and shorts at some point, i’ll squeeze all that in.  With one of the lefties leaving, I am inheriting a fan and a few little things I won’t need to buy like a lock.  I hope your work today for the non-profit went well, sounds like you made some good connections that is really great….

I watched 2 hours of women’s softball this afternoon.  Also we had a ’emergency count’ at 3pm, then another normal count at 4pm.  That was kind of weird.  Hope everything else is great today.  

Love,

Taylor

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Nothing New Under the Sun 5/28/2024

In discussions with people about the ‘state of the nation’, I often take an objective view that, while we often remember or fantasize about better days gone past, that is not always the case, in fact, there is a saying that “there is Nothing New under the Sun”.  Our founding fathers recognized that Human Nature never changes, that absolute power corrupts absolutely, that power is best diffused from the hands of the few, to the hands of many.  Ultimately the founding fathers enshrined that all Power not specifically given to the three branches of government (a scheme to avoid absolute tyranny) was reserved to “the People”. (See Marie’s website for my writings on “the People vs the Person”).  

General Joseph Smith, who ran for President of the United States of America, wrote the following about the prison system on February 7, 1844 (the year of his martyrdom).  

“Born in a land of liberty, and breathing an air uncorrupted with the sirocco of barbarous climes, i ever feel a double anxiety for the happiness of all men, both in time and in eternity…when I viewed the condition of men throughout the world, and more especially in this boasted realm, where the Declaration of Independence “holds these truths to be self-evident; that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights; that among these are life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, “but at the same time some two or three millions of people are held as slaves for life, because the spirit in them is covered with a darker skin than ours: and hundreds of our kindred” (this is key, this is what I found so interesting…) “for an infraction, or supposed infraction of some over wise statue, have to be incarcerated in dudgeon glooms, or suffer more moral penitentiary gravitation of mercy in a nut-shell, while the duelist, the debauchee, and the defaulter for millions, and other criminals, take the upper-most rooms at feasts, or, like the bird of passage find a more congenial clime by flight.”

In 1844 he saw much the same condition that we see today, slavery excepting, but since then the growth of the Prison system he railed against, has grown exponentially, in many ways to take place of slavery as an institution (see the 13th amendment).  

He goes on to offer his solution in his Presidential platform:

“Petition your state legislatures to pardon every convict in their several penitentiaries, blessing them as they go, and saying to them, in the name of the Lord, go thy way and sin no more.  Advise your legislators when they make laws for larceny, burglary or any felony, to make the penalty applicable to work upon roads, public works, or any place where the culprit can be taught more wisdom and more virtue; and become more enlightened.  Rigor and seclusion will never do as much to reform the propensities of man as reason and friendship.  Murder only can claim confinement or death.  Let the penitentiaries be turned into seminaries of learning, where intelligence, like the angels of heaven, would banish such fragments of barbarism: Imprisonment for debt is a meaner practice than the save tolerates with all his ferocity; “Amor vincit amnia.” Love conquers All.

I found this enlightening, we deal with many of the same problems that have been dealt with for centuries.  General Joseph Smith had personally spent multiple stints imprisoned, HE WAS A MAN ON THE INSIDE who knew the inmates plight.  Few who pass the laws, have experienced the same…He DID.  

If you always do what you have always done, you’ll always get what you have always had.  To solve age old solutions, perhaps something that has never been tried should be…

Go in Peace and Sin no more…What a novel idea, from a master, a verdict passed over a woman condemned to death, it was good enough for him, why would it not be good enough for us?

Just some thoughts I thought I might share.

God Bless,

Taylor

“Happiness is a choice”, Mom said 3/12/2024 

“…Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms ~ to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” This eternal truth was the conclusion of holocaust survivor Victor Frankl. I was taught this as a child, grounded to home, prevented from playing with my friends, (I am sure for some nonsense). I told my Mom I was bored, I demanded some entertainment, something…she replied with a statement of fact, I have never been able to distill further, “Happiness is a Choice”. 

     Our country threw off the shackles of tyranny with the infamous Declaration of Independence, wherein Thomas Jefferson wrote: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, and they are endowed by their creator with certain unaLienable rights among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

     The founding fathers understood that happiness was achieved by living a life in accord with God’s Natural Law. That Natural Law is “True Law”, as Cicero in Rome described: “True law is right reason in agreement with nature; it is of universal application, unchanging and everlasting; it summons to duty by its commands, and averts from wrongdoing by its prohibitions…it is a sin to try to alter this law, nor is allowable to repeal any part of it, and is impossible to abolish it entirely. We cannot be freed from its obligations by the senate or people, and we need not look outside ourselves for an expounder or interpreter of it. And there will not be different laws at Rome and at Athens [or the USA, or D.C., California or Mexico] or different laws now and in the future, but one eternal and unchangeable law will be valid for all nations and all times, and there will be one master and ruler, that is God, over us all, for he is the author of his law, its promulgator, and enforcing judge. Whose disobedience is fleeing from himself and denying his human nature, and by reason of this very fact he will suffer the worst punishment (quoted in Ebenstein, Great Political Thinkers, p. 133)

     Your right to pursue happiness cannot be abandoned by legislators, it cannot be altered, it cannot be repealed even by the people themselves, even though in ignorance we feign to do so. In natural law we are dealing with absolute reality, 1+1=2, A is A. 

     John Adams explained, “All men are born free and independent, and have certain natural, essential, and unaLienable rights, among which may be reckoned the right of enjoying and defending their lives and liberties; that of acquiring, possessing, and protecting property; in fine, that of seeking and obtaining their safety and happiness.” (The Political Writings of John Adams p. 96)

     “Happiness is a choice,” said my mother. Life, liberty and the pursuit of Happiness is living in accordance with natural law, true Law. The wisest of all men once said, the truth will set you FREE. 

     In Black’s Law Dictionary under “Liberty; liberty to contract” it reads, “The ability at will, to make or abstain from making, a binding obligation enforced by sanctions at the law. The right to contract about one’s affairs, including the right to make contracts of employment, and to obtain the best terms one can as the result of Private Bargaining. It includes the corresponding right to Accept a contract proposed…it means freedom from arbitrary or unreasonable restraint…the right to make contracts with competent persons on a place of relative parity or freedom of choice and within the limits allowed or not forbidden by law”

     Your right to be happy is unaLienable, you cannot even take your choice to be happy away from yourself. Even the U.S. Supreme Court has established through Erie v. Tompkins that in essence everything is a contract, you have a choice to pursue happiness exercising your “liberty to contract” by choice. 

     Salt Lake Attorney Denver Snuffer asked: “What, in the end, do you prize most? Do you prize all the risks, all of the responsibilities, all of the potential for failure, all of the individual accountability? I mean -…- what was the purpose of the Constitution? It was to make you free so that you can exercise moral agency, and you get the opportunity to succeed or fail. The purpose of the Constitution is to set you in a position in which it is possible for you to accomplish either one, so that You – You – become accountable – not to some back in Washington, not someone to whom you have surrendered your choice, not someone else to run your life, not someone else to tell you the comings and the goings, the when’s and the where’s and why’s. YOU the Constitution was designed to accomplish. YOU become morally accountable, because you are the agent that gets to choose…

…Cowardice is unbecoming anyone who would try to lay hold on the riches of heaven. Because down here, in this dark well, you have an opportunity to prove WHO you are. You have an opportunity to prove WHAT you are. And you don’t prove that you are anything worth preserving into eternity if you don’t live with Nobility.”…[you must use your liberty to choose], and I don’t care who is pressuring you or what means they think they can employ”  [even the full weight of the Federal Government]. “That statement ‘I regret that I have but one life to give for my country’ is not the language of a slave. It’s not even the language of a captive. There is a Man who is free In-Deed, even though he’s about to be killed. You know, we lack fortitude – we lack self-confidence – to hold on to our freedom. You surrender to fashion. You surrender to peer pressure. You surrender to those people that you think are respected members of society. You surrender, but you don’t have to. Freedom is still possible to this day.”…

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Who Bakes the Cake?3/3/2024

Often, I get asked “what now” or “what can WE do?”, when discussing the perils and pitfalls that our country, society and communities face. The current perils we face require something more than a mere band-aid bill or more than fiat-money thrown at it. Many perils are baked into the proverbial cake. It requires us to examine the cake’s very ingredients to see why it tastes so bitter. My suggestion is to examine the very words by which we bind ourselves and see if our misappropriation and misunderstanding has given us a national ingredient list that is quickly becoming unpalatable. 

 Let us examine two words, which most do not comprehend fully their significance. People and Person. Black’s law dictionary defines people as: A state; as the people of the state of New York. A Nation in its collective and political capacity. The aggregate or mass of the individuals who constitute the state. In a more restricted sense, and as generally used in constitutional law, the entire body of those citizens of a state or nation who are invested with political power for political purposes. 

In summary, the people are the collective body of people. Generally, the people are viewed in its larger sense, “the collective” in whom all political power resides. However, the definition begins with “A state”…what does this mean? 

 A state can mean a few things, according to Black’s Law. In its largest sense, a state is: “a body politic or a society of men, again another sense that the collective is the state”. But Black’s law also says a state is “The circumstances or condition of being”…so a Being is also a state, as in a “State of Being”. Ask yourself, are you at this given time in a “state of being?”. I hope so! Who is reading this, if not a man or woman in a state of conscious being. It’s not a stretch to say you are a people among the people. You are one being (people) who make up “the people ”, the collective. 

Next let’s look at the word Person. It’s important to note, in all the Black’s law definitions of People, and State, the word “Person”, is not used. You’ll see why. It’s because the people are alive, they are “beings,” in the individual and collective state. Black’s law defines a Person as: “In general usage, a human being (i.e. natural person), though by statute the term may include labor organizations, partnerships, associations, corporations, legal representatives, trustees, trustees in bankruptcy or receivers…scope and delineation of term is necessary for determining those whom the fourteenth Amendment of the constitution afford protection since this amendment expressly applies to the “Person”.It goes on to say, “COMMERCIAL LAW. An Individual or Organization” and “CORPORATION. A corporation is a “Person” within the meaning of fourteenth Amendment, equal protection and due process provisions of the United States Constitution. 

 So, to summarize, a person is both potentially a human being…and a corporation, or just about any other non-living entity. The People are exclusively living beings, the persons are not necessarily living beings, but persons, corporations and humans are equal.

 What does this mean? The founders made clear distinctions. For example, in the 4th amendment it says, “The right of the People to be secure in their persons, houses, papers and effects…” They clearly understood the “people” as “being” and the “person” as the corpse or body. There IS a difference. Fast forward to the 14th Amendment, which reads, “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subjected to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.” Do you see the slight of hand? It could have read “All people born or naturalized”, but instead, in 1868, all persons was used. And the Labor Union, the Corporation, suddenly became equal to a citizen. The 14th continues, “No state SHALL make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor any state deprive a person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” I often ask myself the question: If the people in 1868 understood that by granting persons all protections of law, which was originally designed to protect the People from the Person?

The People now compete with corporations like Facebook, Apple and other “persons” for rights like freedom of speech or association. The People are superior to the State, the People (being) controls the Person (body). But now the Body is equal to the Being.  

 The cake has a poisonous ingredient; the Corporation is equal to its master. Both collectively, and individually the consequences of the 14th Amendment have created 50 states that are so alike, that the idea of 50 experiments where people experiment with ideas of governance cannot be tested. It has led to ideas, often bad, being implemented on a grand scale, because they applied to People and Persons alike. It has led to Committees and Boards of Directors in the form of persons usurping rights intended to be reserved to the living people. In a figurative sense, the living have become the dead, by treating your life as mere franchise of a corporate state. 

What can we do? Start acting Alive, start calling yourself a people, a living being, rather than a person. You are a being with a person! Be the change you want to see in the world. Once you put a small switch into your understanding, you will start to see how you are, in your living capacity, superior to anything else. The people are the power, the people can make the change, the people on a Board of Directors can change the actions of a corporation. The People can change their State. Change the ingredient, change the State. It’s the people who Bake the Cake.

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Consent of the Governed- 2/24/2024

   To vote and hope is not a solution. We, the January 6th defendants, grapple with a judicial system that is designed to discourage the exercise of our rights, that Americans allegedly hold dear. Your right to a speedy trial…waive that! Your right to a trial by jury…how about a bargain where we have Bench Trials and plea deals in exchange for a lesser sentence?! A trial tax!…don’t worry we will only call it that in a hushed whisper between defense attorneys, sworn officers of the court, and defenders to get them to waive their rights! Want to testify, tell your side of the story? 3 more points towards sentencing! If you go to trial and testify, you will serve DOUBLE the time!

     No wonder defendants go against their conscience and take deals, read scripts and beg for mercy from a merciless system.

     Yet here we are, proud Americans, consenting to be governed by a system we trusted to bring truth to the light. Little did we understand why lady justice wears a blind fold. She is blind, she can’t see truth, merely the weights on scales of justice, and who can outweigh an argument made with the full weight of the federal government?

     When in the history of the world, has a single government’s prerogative been true? The answer is never. The people, the individuals of each country consent to their government. Yet to vote and hope… and allow government officials to count the vote?!   

     The problems are obvious, they are in our face. The two-party system writes the script. For years, if you opposed violence against the unborn, you voted for a party that supported foreign war. To oppose foreign war you voted for abortion! How could we be left with such choices? The tide is turning, Americans are wising up. In 2016 a man who opposed both violence against the unborn and violence abroad was elected. He flipped the economic switch and stepped aside and allowed the American entrepreneur to explode the economy.

     What happened on J6 was a national shame, true. 1,300+ Americans, enough to fill an entire prison, have confronted a justice system, jail and prison system which have been decried by minorities for decades. Now that MainStreet has seen it up close and personal, it’s time for a change. In my trial the judge told me personally, he only had the authority the legislature prescribed, which means the DC court is a legislative tribunal! Congress sets the rules. It’s congress who created the Trial Tax, it’s congress where our remedy lies!

     The people have the power, you must communicate with every Congressman and Senator, the system is unjust! They have the power to change it. No more penalties for standing on your rights. “He who stands on his rights injures no one”, not even himself. The DOJ has incentive to “overcharge” to create the pressure for deals, truth and facts be damned.

     We are here because the people on the outside, the ones reading this, have consented. Be the change you want to see in the world. Don’t vote and hope. Make a call, write a letter, be relentless in your effort, posterity depends on it.

     Someone with integrity needs to lead. To lead in speaking out, lead in social circles, in conversations, in churches, in communities, in countries and in business. We face perils that are not going to be solved by the very pathetic voices that dominate everywhere today.

     Truth is both resilient and infectious. Proclaim it and it will win. Stay silent and it will be ignored and forgotten.

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Political Conflict- 2/20/2024

Political science is the “science of power”, specifically power over people. Politics is a synonym for power. Political conflict by definition is a struggle for power. Political peddlers, or as Thomas Payne calls them, political physicians, prescribe various government systems to control, harness and direct power over people. In its most basic sense, government comes from the words govern = to control and ment = mind. Quite literally government is in the business of “mind control”. Politics is the machination of a body politic, which is, the control of the people, the source of all power…vox populi, vox dei.

The collective has inherent within it all power by a series of shared collective fictions. We

share language, customs and culture which the collective enforces by tradition and some-

times organized government. These customs and cultures give rise to theories on how the

power of the collective can enforce the government required (mind control) to advance the needs of society.

There are two broad principles that all political theories begin and end with, no matter what

it boils down to, Individualism and Collectivism.

Individualism begins and ends with the individual man or woman being its highest priority and

purpose of the language, customs, culture and government. All those things function to uphold

the rights of the individual FROM the collective. Individual rights to property, life and the pursuit

of happiness are upheld. The functions of society and government begin and end with the

individual as its priority. Individualism by definition does not allow any form of power maintained

 by brute force or compulsion over other individuals, excepting to prevent an individual

from being harmed. Individuals must deal with each other on the basis of equity, not always

however, from a place of equality. Republicanism and Volunteerism are its brands.

Collectivism has as its priority the “good” (usually determined by a nefarious elite) of the

collective. Collectivism sets out not to support the individual as a means to itself, but rather the

individual is a means to support the collective. Collectivism is team play and tribalism. Collectivism

is individuals sacrificing something for the “common good”. It is equality at the sake of equity.

Typically this drags the individuals down into a state of equality, rather than raise the collective up 

to the level of the achievers. Collectivisms are your democracies, the rule of 50%+1, Fascism, Communism, 

Marxism, Socialism, etc.. These are collectivist prescriptions. Collectivism, no matter its form, amounts to a boot on your neck, wether it comes from the left or right foot, it’s a boot on your neck.

When the individual is sacrificed to the collective, tyranny is present. The extent to which the

seed grows is based on the “constitution” of the people, individualist vs collectivist.  It is not the

Constitution (written laws) of the government, because those laws are always changing (based on the “constitution” of the people), either to expand or restrain the collective power over the individual.

America was founded on individualism. Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, were un-a-

LIEN-able. But the collectivism seed has slowly taken root and the fruit of collectivism is upon

us. Our political conflict, our fight, is over which boot we want on our necks, rather than

wether anyone should be able to wear a boot at all.

“A republic if you can keep it!”

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Remember- 2/11/2024 

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Common Sense: Applied Today- Introduction – Recorded 1/25-29/2024 . 

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Endless Nights 1/26/2024

Many people know how long a dark night of the soul can be. Wrapped in anxiety, loss of personal control over any given situation can rob a person of their rest. In the quiet of the night, one’s thoughts of doubts can drive one deeper into the mental darkness.

The federal contract that jails like the “DC Gulag” have, I believe, contains a requirement that inmates receive 6 hours of undisturbed time for sleep. Yet, in this facility, that is rarely possible. Let me describe a typical night for an inmate at the “DC Gulag”. The ‘Pod’ has essentially no acoustic dampening. Voices, clanging keys, radio beeps, telephones ringing, guards talking to other staff on the phone (or occasionally a girlfriend), pod doors slamming as errands get run in and out of the pod, TV volumes, etc all echo and reverberate to a degree that, unless you are locked in the box of the cell, it is hard to appreciate.

On a typical night, with detail on cleaning duty until close to midnight, there is little chance of real sleep till then. Often detail wraps up at 11:30 pm or thereabouts, and when the new guard comes on duty, each shift, the guard yells “shift change!”.

Allow me to describe the events of the endless nights along with challenges of the cell. 

In the “DC Gulag” we have steel bunk beds, probably 28-30″ inches wide, with a 3” cot pad.  There are two flat sheets provided, which the typical inmate learns to knot onto the pad. The pad has a plastic liner so it sweats. It’s cold in the winter and hot in the summer.  Pillows are contraband, so MOST inmates use extra clothing to improvise a pillow. The blankets are a wool/synthetic fiber mix (we joke, but are half serious that the ‘synthetic fiber’ is dryer lint). In fairness to the DC DOC, most new pads have an elevated area for the head. The pads are thin enough that all the inmates complain that with a single pad, their butts, hips, and sometimes shoulders push through to the metal cookie sheet tray we lay on top of. The length of the bed is 6’3″ (an estimate). Our 6’4″ and 6’5″ inmates complain that they hang off, because their feet climb the concrete wall. Getting comfortable, except for the easiest of sleepers, is a challenge.

Every 1/2 hour the guards make their rounds. They walk to the end of each hall with some contraption that they tap on a steel plate on the wall which chirps loud enough to hear in EVERY cell. There are 6 chirps for the 3 walls they touch, once on the lower tier, once on the higher tier. There is never total darkness in the pod, and each door has a window half the length of the door, 4″ inches wide, that keeps the cell fairly well lit. As the guard walks by once every 1/2 hour he casts a shadow into your cell. Often they linger, peering into the cell at night with a flashlight. They will tug on the door. The steel doors have some play in them. They do this to get you to stir, so they can see signs of life. On cold nights the outer concrete wall, which our beds back up to, is not insulated. It can get to be frigid to the touch and create a down draft of cold air across one side of your body. On super cold nights, a strategy to stay warm is to hang an extra sheet, blanket or even all your shirts, pants and underwear across the open end of the bunk, to catch and hold what heat you can. If you do this, at some point it is likely a guard will unlock your cell, come in and pull the “’drapes” aside and put a flashlight directly in your eyes. Usually this is on their first or second round at 12:00 am or 12:30 am, but I have seen it happen at 3 am. The guards also have a ‘night light’ switch outside the cell. The sound of the heavy switch clunks in the cell, and illuminates the cell pretty well. Guards will regularly forget to turn them off when they use them. Last night, the inmate I share a wall with, had the guard unlock the door (all this makes a lot of noise, waking me and my  neighbor up), walk in and put a flashlight in his face. This was at 2am! Then he forgot to turn the ‘nightlight’ off when he left. My neighbor waited 1/2 hour for the guard to come around at his window (he didn’t want to wake others banging on his door). When the guard walked by at 2:30am he walked by so fast, he had to bang his door anyways, to get the guards attention The guard came back and loudly and accusatively asked “what do you want?!”,  to which my neighbor replied “turn off the light!”. Clunk, off went the light.

Many times a “white shirt” or other guard will come in during the night. The pod entrance doors can’t help but slam, you can literally feel this sound when laying in your bunk. They don’t seem to possess volume control and greet the guard and will carry on loud conversations. I often wonder if they know we can all hear them as if we were out there with them!  

Sometimes the guards watch TV and turn the volume up. These are usually substitute guards. Someone will inevitably bang a door and yell for the guard to turn the volume off.

Breakfast can be really early, it’s “room service”, but can range from 5am to 8am. I pray it’s later, but often isn’t. Some guys are so exhausted by the time breakfast comes they are finally sound asleep. I am always woken by the unlocking series of doors leading up to mine, when I meet breakfast at the door.  Little secret, breakfast isn’t usually EVER worth eating and inmates head right back to bed.

 The guards have radios that chirp and have radio chatter literally all night long, and the phone can ring at any moment. We have a couple large fans that create enough white noise, that we leave on all night. This will usually make it so we can’t understand what the radio says, but we still hear it. There has been multiple nights I wondered if I ever actually fell asleep, rather just dozed off over and over again as the noise made me stir. Some nights you pray and become almost desperate to lose yourself to sleep, only to have your mind return to thoughts of home as the guard’s heavy footsteps and clanking keys make their rounds. Even though, in theory, there is plenty of time to sleep, few if any inmates ever feel the rejuvenation of real rest. It’s easy at night,  alone with your thoughts, to sink into despair. There’s a hopelessness, the full weight of the federal government bearing down on you, longing for home, feeling forgotten and trapped in these walls. We pray all night, every night, we won’t be forgotten,  trapped inside these walls. We pray all night, every night,  we won’t be forgotten by history and that our story ends well. It’s you,  “The People”, who must end the endless nights.

-Taylor Johnatakis

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Your Flag is Upside Down 1/22/2024

“Your flag is upside down”, I said to a guard in an elevator with two other guards. The flag was a Velcro patch on the guard’s gear pouch. He looked at his patch, and with a thick foreign accent said, “No one ever has told me”.

In the J6 Pod of the ” DC Gulag”, many of us display American Flags ‘in distress’, flown with the stars to the bottom and right. We do this with purpose and true intention. Occasionally I see a guard with a flag upside down. I assumed that was done with intention…

I said, “The flag is in distress, there are *hostages being held here”. The ranking C.O. questioned, “*Hostages?”.

“Some people say”, was my reply. He let the comment go without disagreement.

The guard with the flag didn’t seem to understand what it was I was implying. He fumbled around, until he reset the flag opposite as it had started. A sadness entered my heart, as I realized a man working to hold me did not even know the proper display our symbol of freedom.

Perhaps I was right in more ways than one. What amazing distress our country is in when those paid to wear the flag literally don’t know IF, or WHY “Your flag is upside down”.

Happened on 1/18/2024

-Taylor Johnatakis

The holiday season means a lot to a lot of people. Around the world various holidays are celebrated. I grew up celebrating Christmas and as an adult, I have heard the arguments for and against the holiday. I however, want to draw your attention to the time of year itself. Both Christmas and Hanukkah fall close to or sometimes on the winter solstice, the day when light begins to overtake the dark. As fall and winter wear on, things decay and die, but magically, this time of year, light slowly comes back, life is renewed and by spring things are new again.

For the 1,300+ J6 defendants, the last three years have felt as though darkness continues to grow. Few “breaks” have happened in the overall J6 “narrative”, particularly as the courts are concerned. Defendants increasingly are tried, convicted and sentenced. For many, sentencing is their solstice. A release date is assured, when this dark time will end, and each day will bring you closer to the light at the end of the tunnel. 2024 will also bring much resolution to J6 defendants. It’s expected the Supreme Court will rule once and for all on the 1512 Obstruction charge. No matter the Supreme Court decision, this will bring closure and the end of darkness of doubt on the most serious charge for the majority of defendants. 2024 will also bring to conclusion the political direction the country will take, we will take. We will know once and for all. Donald Trump’s political status “may” bring relief to many ensnared in J6 prosecutions and people serving sentences. No man knows for certain all that 2024 may bring, but surely it will be a year where much light and clarity will be brought to J6 defendants. May our hope be in God, that his design and will be made manifest.

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all!

-Taylor

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