The flu reared its ugly head in our home this past week. So many things in life you can control- or at least there’s the illusion of control. But, that illusion comes crashing down when you get sick, especially if it lasts more than a couple of days.
All routines and bedtimes went out the window. Most nights last week I had a bed full of kids. I didn’t have the energy to tuck everyone in, so they were all invited to the lame party in my room. I passed out the moment my head hit the pillow, and they fell asleep watching episodes of “Bluey”.
– It’s the holidays. I love the holidays.
-It’s weird without Taylor. This is our second round of holidays without him. That is sad.
There has been an underlying angst in recent conversations Taylor and I have had together: Pardons or no pardons…Selling the house or not selling the house…future plans in a couple months or future plans in a couple years. It’s so up and down. I like things to be stable. This is hard.
-I think I’m just tired. Probably tired because of being sick for so long…
I view myself as a generally positive person- and really I have so many things to be positive about. But, my heart continues to be heavy. The sun will come out tomorrow…hopefully…I do live in the Pacific Northwest. I think tomorrow I will go sit on the back porch and take in its warm raise. I’ll bring a blanket with me. That will be nice. I look forward to that. As for tonight I think I’ll just stay thoughtful. It’s painful, but I’m feeling like I should not push that away.
Christmas is coming. We had a sweet time with my parents last night. We had our white elephant gift exchange, yummy food, games and the family devotional- the highlight being the story of the Birth of Jesus.
The story of the Nativity always touches the heart, but this year it seems to have pierced mine. I can’t express how grateful I am for a God that has helped us so intimately.. I thank God for being the one who has really been in control over the last year. I thank Him for watching and caring for my children. I thank Him for sending so many to help us. I thank Him for healing our hearts and making this bitter experience sweet. I can’t adequately express my love for Him…yet I know that our spirits merge and He understands.
I remember last year when Taylor was remanded to prison after His trial, I thought about how some day we would look back at this experience and see how it would affect our children and our family. What would the “wreckage” look like? Would it be wreckage or would we be intact? There couldn’t be wreckage- I just couldn’t bring myself to allow for that. We have our kids for such a short amount of time…there just can’t be wreckage. I remember talking with the kids about the things that we can control in the situation we had found ourselves in, and the things that we could not. We talked about if it would even be possible to be better because of this?
Here we are…a possible release date looming. I look at my kids and what incredible human beings each of them are. I’m overwhelmed by how terribly beautiful the whole thing is. How has God been so good to us? How have we seen so many miracles? How many people, family, friends and even complete strangers have strengthened us?
No- I don’t have any control…and I thank God for that.
I pray for his release and honestly I think it’s coming. You are amazing.
Darcie, Thank you!! It came!! Thank you for cheering us on!
Beautiful Marie, we love you and your family. It is a glorious time of year and I’m grateful to hear of the blessings of time, people and Jesus Christ bring. Love you. Mom
Love you so much Mom! Thank you so much!You and Dad have been such a blessing to us, not only now, but always.
Marie, thank you for sharing your intimate thoughts. I thank God for all He is accomplishing for His will and your family’s good. Have a (more) blessed Christmas even in the separation from Taylor. I pray he will experience the presence of our Savior and Lord in a very tangible way.
I can’t believe I am just seeing these messages! Thank you for the sweet love you have shown to our family. I hope that you had a beautiful Christmas and that this year brings so much joy in you life!
Marie,
Thank you for sharing your beautiful, poignant story of life without Taylor, life under persecution. Truly you are all in a prison of sorts. In so many ways, it’s harder on the families than on the imprisoned.
Listen to HOPE FOR EVERYONE by Matt Maher. It’s my new favorite.
Thank you Barbara. It truly has felt like the prison doors burst open for all of us- not only for Taylor, but for me and my children as well. I think it has also felt like that to people who have watched and supported, like you. Thank you so much! Lots of love, Marie
The rest of the World is watching. “I can only imagine”. A free nation in USA can end up in bondage. Seems so many new testimonies of faith, hope and love in in the face of so much desire to destroy it. Trump rallies locally around the nation culminating in Jan 6th.
Thank you so much for your pnw testimony. I too live in the pnw. A street corner church planter in Salem Oregon on October 1st, 2006. The week before the Amish school massacre.
Began open carrying while preaching in 2015 before the peaceful Malheur wildlife standoff and the murder of Mr. Finicum. Either the Satanists or the Anarchists stole my Bible of 33 years behind my back in October 2023. An Oathkeeper promoter. Stewart Rhodes our national leader sentenced to 20 years.
Open carried 60 times so far. Exercising our freedoms are hard. I hold the record for public singing Christian songs over 400 messages, 600 hrs of singing. Instituting honk survey’s and getting many believers to witness to non-believers through their car horns. Jesus gave us so many opportunities. Thank you for sharing your faith and your family.
May the Lord bless and keep you, may his face shine upon you and continue to give you peace.
The rest of the World is watching. “I can only imagine”. A free nation in USA can end up in bondage. Seems so many new testimonies of faith, hope and love in in the face of so much desire to destroy it. Trump rallies locally around the nation culminating in Jan 6th.
Thank you so much for your pnw testimony. I too live in the pnw. A street corner church planter in Salem Oregon on October 1st, 2006. The week before the Amish school massacre.
Began open carrying while preaching in 2015 before the peaceful Malheur wildlife standoff and the murder of Mr. Finicum. Either the Satanists or the Anarchists stole my Bible of 33 years behind my back in October 2023. An Oathkeeper promoter. Stewart Rhodes our national leader sentenced to 20 years.
Open carried 60 times so far. Exercising our freedoms are hard. I hold the record for public singing Christian songs over 400 messages, 600 hrs of singing. Instituting honk survey’s and getting many believers to witness to non-believers through their car horns. Jesus gave us so many opportunities. Thank you for sharing your faith and your family.
May the Lord bless and keep you, may his face shine upon you and continue to give you peace.
Thank you for sharing a little bit about yourself- I would love to know more. Thank so much for reaching out to us, we so appreciate the community!