12/16/2023 More ramblings- What ought I to have learned
Psalms 142
2 I poured out my complaint before him; I shewed before him my trouble.
3 When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then thou knewest my path. In the way wherein I walked have they privily laid a snare for me.
4 I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.
5 I cried unto thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living.
6 Attend unto my cry; for I am brought very low: deliver me from my persecutors; for they are stronger than I.
7 Bring my soul out of prison, that I may praise thy name: the righteous shall compass me about; for thou shalt deal bountifully with me.
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In 2010 Taylor and I left to go on a cruise, when I was around 24 weeks pregnant. We ended up disembarking the cruise boat in Puerto Rico, where our little guy, Destin was born. The week before he was born I was in a hospital unit where visitors weren’t really allowed, although they did sneak Taylor in for me a few times. It was an experience we went through together on very different sides of the hospital walls. Medically, I was really struggling. I wasn’t even thinking about the experience Taylor was having as I fought for my life and the life of our sweet little baby. He had remarked on how difficult it was to not be there while I was in so much pain and in such critical condition. He had a whole different experience on the other side of that wall, that was just as challenging for him, feeling mostly helpless.
Now I am on the other side of the wall. My heart aches for him. It’s so painful, watching someone you love go through something like this. There are so many things that are painful about the situation.
When the dust settles and experiences like these are just memories we often look back and reflect on the lessons learned and the bountiful way the Lord had dealt with us. I pray while going through this experience I can be open to the things that the Lord intends to teach me. It would be sad if this experience was for naught. The Lord has dealt bountifully with us thus far and I’m grateful for the confidence that He will continue.
I pray that looking back and asking myself, “what did I learn and what ought I to have learned”, I can feel the confidence that I went through this with an open heart- allowing it to be, and have the affect the Lord would have it to have. That’s my prayer today.
Ramblings…